The question that turned into a brain dump.
1. I am sometimes sad and VERY ANXIOUS
2. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn’t fix the sad or the anxious all by myself
3. My family has a history of depression, mental illness, and substance abuse.
4. My brother tried to commit suicide four months ago. It was his first attempt but not his last.
5. This is hard for me to talk about in such a public place.
6. I am a very open person and feel that honesty is the best policy. As I get older I tend to hide things from myself and others more often.
7. I hate that.
8. This is a tricky forum because I don’t want to hurt anyone in my family but I think it hurts me more to hide it away.
9. One of my best friends came up to me a few weeks ago and said, “I’m so sorry I haven’t said anything about your brother. I haven’t only because I don’t know what to say. I now feel awful about that.”
10. She couldn’t have said it to a more understanding person. I never know what to say and so I usually remain quiet and seep in guilt.
11. That is what is happening with my brother and I right now.
12. I can’t change it right now.
13. He has a history of hurtful practices. To himself and to his family members.
14. I’m not ready to forget or forgive.
15. This is incredibly sad and hard to feel.
16. I once read that the sign of an intelligent person is the ability to feel two contradictory feelings at the same time.
17. I must be REALLY intelligent.
18. I hope to write more about this. For me. But also for who ever is reading and feeling the same.
19. I feel like this whole experience with my brother is straight out of a BAD tv movie
20. My parents are amazing amazing people.