Hello my pretties.
So, the last few days in the Bookish Household have been filled with vomit. Not by me or by Rob. But by just about everyone else.
See this sweet face
She is evil, pure evil. She swiped a bag of chocolate chips (actually a half of a bag of the really big wholesale bags) AND a bag of sugar and consumed them on Thursday afternoon.
Action: Evil dog eats chocolate (which is lethal to some dogs),
Reaction: Dog pukes up a storm,
Reaction: Robby gets to clean it up.
Reaction: Dog meet vet, vet meet dog, Bookish Family meet poverty.
Three hours and $200 later (Merry Christmas Honey!) the dog has a stomach filled with charcoal (which apparently acts to slow the absorption of the lethal chemical) and is resting uncomfortably in the back of our vehicle as we race against time in fear of her barfing it all up again. Apparently this charcoal is tricky stuff as it stains like a mofo, as in, won’t ever come out stains. We’re, oh maybe, 2 miles from our house and this Evil Dog empties $200 worth of a vet visit onto our backseat where it will stay ingrained in our memory and our upholstery forever.
A half hour later I am picked up by Jackie and whisked away to YarnPants heaven. Others tell the story here and here. I too got a shirt (the one with the flying Dot, I love it!). I won’t be able to wear until next year but Smarty has (*finally*) been put into service.
Friday comes with new challenges. Rob returns home again to see that the Evil DOGS - yes this character has entered the fray -
have consumed an entire loaf of bread, a box of cereal, AND rolls of toilet paper! These previously docile and obedient dogs are climbing onto COUNTERS and TABLES to retrieve these treats. We soon discover that the cats seem to have gotten some action two because there is cat vomit all over our office - THE ONLY ROOM IN THE HOUSE WITH CARPET!
Feel. My. Pain. in the ass. I can’t bend over so much. I am sore from cleaning out the car the night before. We have about an hour before our favorite 20 month old, N, comes over for a slumber party (her first one, we are honored, thrilled, and justcan’twait).
Miraculously we get things in order before the sweet girl arrives. Sharp objects are stored, knitting is hidden, and all loose hand guns are put away. (N’s a grabby little girl.)
We eat, we build forts, we read books, we laugh. Bedtime comes and we slowly brush our teeth (read: play in the bathroom sink), change our diaper, and start to get ready for bed. I am with N helping her dress into her PJ’s when she turns into a veritable fountain of half digested stomach contents. Not wanting to move her for fear of spreading the molten lava I speak calmly and let her know she’s alright and that I’m alright and that she should most certainly just let it happen ALL OVER ME, as I am sitting at her feet holding her. She is scared (to the best of her memory it’s the first time she’s ever gotten sick) and the dogs are interested and Rob is AVOIDING THE ROOM.
Mount Vesuvius stops and I am able to get her into her extra pair of PJs and I hand her to Rob who reads her stories in the other room while I clean up. I check on them later and N is happy and chatty and fine. No fever. Nothing. Rob questions the return policy on the pregnancy prodigy. I laugh. Oh, how only the fool laughs.
N goes to sleep. One hour later the volcano erupts again.
Rinse Repeat.
Rinse Repeat.
Rinse Repeat.
Rinse Repeat.
When all is said and done we have each gone through 4 pairs of PJ’s (I stopped changing at some point) and countless towels and blankets. It’s midnight when her parents come to get her (they, bless them, were out of touch for AN HOUR, is this what it is to have children?!). The poor thing is sick and exhausted and done. with. us. In fact, at one point during the night she would only go to Rob. She must have been convinced that I was the cause of her misery. I began to think I was.
We are still trying to figure out the meaning of all this. The many vomits we have known. And really, what is the return policy on babies and dogs and cats? Can we send ours back? Maybe just for a few years. Until the world finds a cure for vomit?
In the end, N is fine. She has contracted the Norovirus and (thankfully) we did not get it. This is in spite of me finishing all of her half eaten pizza bits during our dinner earlier in the night. (What? She was done, I was hungry, I’m eating for two over here!) Her parents were not as lucky. They both got it. They, obviously, know nothing of this return policy.
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Everybody sing . . . it’s the most wonderful time of the year . . .
I hate to tell you but…it’s only just begun.
Practice, practice, practice.
Ah, an early indoctrination to motherhood. It makes me teary just thinking of it. Sounds like you’re a natural.
i have to agree wtih pumpkin mama — seems like you are indeed a natural. because me … the vomit … initiates the gag reflex in me like nobody’s business. even kibble cat vomit. it’s a curse really.
i’m keeping my fingers crossed that you continue to be in a norovirus free zone
and the dogs….what is up with them eating everything in the house?!!
Oh hon, I am so sorry to hear it. As if Thursday wasn’t trying enough.
Remember in Goonies when Chunk is being forced by the Fratelli’s to confess, and he starts telling the story about when he fake puked in the movie theatre and he set of a chain reaction of people puking all over the place? That’s what your post reminded me of.
Let me know if you need anything, ok?
Wow. WOW. I don’t know if I’m ready for a dog yet.
Good heaven’s! I’m quite sure you deserve a medal or something just for surviving all that. Oi.
YIKES!
oh yikes.
Sorry about the return policy thing. I think (I’ve heard) it’s all worth it.
man do I feel your pukey pain, darlin. I’ve been puked on more times than I can count in the last 9 months, sometimes going at least a day with baby puke in my bra and no hope of a shower. I have often wondered if there is a return policy myself. Welcome to the club.
Oh my god. You are going to be such an awesome mommy!!! Kudos for weathering the barf storm! (There is a secret return policy on kids but you have to deal with Wal Mart. Just so ya know. ;-))
Holy Cow—if that’s not going above and beyond the call of duty I don’t know what is! You did the right thing though—better is the puke in one place than the puke spread throughout the house as you shuffle the child to a more convenient spot. You deserve a trip to the spa or something for dealing with all that.
I always said dogs were good practice for having kids of your own. And having N. over for babysitting gave you the bird’s eye view of parenthood! Man, that was quite a few days. You even got to experience the dog/kid vomiting in car and subsequent cleanup. You’re all ready to be parents.
Ohmyohmyohmyohmy…..I am so, so sympathetic. May I recommend Spot Shot as a carpet cleaner for this sort of thing? That was NOT a fun few days, I can tell…..oh my…..
Oh you poor thing. I’ve endured those long vomiting nights with my younger brothers. Not fun.
By the way, when Java the Pup ate a plateful of fudgey brownies one night, Angell recommended a bit of hydrogen peroxide in her water to induce vomiting. It didn’t take long, but didn’t repeat itself.
Every time I hear about puking kids, I’m right back on my couch with a 3yo Katie on my lap. She and I were having a morning snuggled. She lifted her head off my shoulder, looked me in the eye, said, “My tummy hurts,” and hurled it all over me. I was postively stunned. And you know, you just react. It’s the most disgusting thing in the world (okay, one of the most disgusting things), but what’re you gonna do?
I hope you’ve stopped that virus in its tracks. I’ve been using disinfecting wipes around here like there’s no tomorrow — you should, too! Drink lots of water, eat well, rest, rest, rest. All the things you’re doing already, I’m sure, but do it MORE! ; )
OMG! Disgusting. You poor woman - you were so calm. That is great. I would be gagging for sure.
Seriously I can’t handle cat barf - human barf? I am trying to get to a toilet before them!
It is the one thing that scares me about having children in the future (ok maybe not the ONE thing - but you know, the one that is certainly unavoidable!)
People tell you that you will be over it when you are a Mom but I don’t know…sounds like you’re ready though.
When my dog ingested medication the vet had me stay until she vomited after the charcoal. Because of the staining thing - she did get a little sick later but thankfully it was outside.
Those evil dogs! Do they know? Is it a protest against the new baby coming? Why are they suddenly risking their lives to eat inedible (for dogs) things? Don’t you wish you could know what they are thinking? Toilet paper?
Coming out of lurking to say: Oh. My. God.
First, I’m glad the doggie did not succumb to chocolate poisoning. Second, glad the little one is ok too.
But, wow. That is a lot of puke.
Oh Yuck! Poor Rob is really getting a crash course in baby grossness… send him over here any time to practice with the diapers.
Good luck with the dogs, hopefully it’s not signs of things to come. Start working with them NOW! (That said, Naomi somehow jumped high enough to get a loaf of bread off of our kitchen island yesterday, first time ever! …and then she didn’t even eat the darn thing, just a few nibbles!) Oh these pets of ours, and children, both here and to come. HUGS to all, furry and not!
So, y’know, having been an only child for a good portion of my life, I hadn’t really been around many little kids growing up. My cousin Stephanie had kids, and a boogery nose could get my gag reflex working overtime…
Fast forward to my sister’s birth when I was 15.
The first time she yarfed on me? I laughed. I said “You barfed on me!”. I didn’t gag, I wasn’t grossed out, I was just like Whatever!
When my small friend C was born, it was the same thing - poopy diaper, boogery nose, projectile vomit (she did that once in a Chinese restaurant, which was actually pretty funny once everyone got over the shock of it), none of that freaked me out.
Note to self - must like child/person in order not to be grossed out by their various fluids.
But really, darlin’, your house isn’t big enough for that much vomit.
Do let me know if I can do anything, ‘kay? xo
We just went through that with our youngest at a swim meet! He yucked all over the bleachers (and his grandma). Thankfully he made it to the bathroom all the rest of the times. Two hours laters he was done.
Epic. Barfing. There should be some kind of award that you win for going through all that like a champ. Me, not so sure I’d win it… but I suppose when it comes down to it, you do what you have to do, eh?
Ah, the orientation. I don’t mean to scare you, but my six-year old was once a projectile vomiter. It’s over now, thank goodness. Kudos to you guys for hanging in there with the little sweetie. It’s much easier (believe it or not) when it’s your own child…
I had to back up and read this one out loud! With tears in my eyes! What a trooper you are, but of course, you didn’t see it coming.
In our house, we call that kind of fun “The Festival of Bodily Fluids”. About six months ago my dog was acting creaky and achy, so I gave him an Al*ve. NEVER GIVE A DOG AL*VE, EVER. He vomited for FOUR days. Apparently what I gave him was poison to dogs. The best part was, Earl the Dog barfed, Angus the 5 year old found it, smelled it and barfed everywhere. Oh and a lesson I learned the hard way- do not ever lift a child who says they need to throw up higher than your shoulder or head (This was a hip carry for a very tall kid). He nailed me top to bottom and the splatter pattern from what hit the floor was epic.
Wow, you guys really know how to have a good time. I can’t imagine what’s worse; my dog got into and Easter basket as a pup & she didn’t vomit at all. It all came out the other end, over & over & over again. Daddy & doggie slept in the yard that night. Good luck & hope you get some extra rest after your party fest. Nice for Smarty, getting a new shirt & all!
The story isn’t any less gross the second/third time around. Question… how does one tell the difference between cat and dog puke? Just in case I ever get a dog… Sorry you had to go through that… maybe it was the hazing rites of motherhood?
Oh no! Glad everyone seems to have recovered…
I’ve lived it! My question about your dogs is - have you recently changed the brand of food? I had a couple of pooches that went through this stage - when the girlie of the pair ate a bag of flour we knew something was up…The new food wasn’t containing her hunger. My TLP threw up non-stop from 0-1 year…yipee!! Glad you and your honey have escaped it.
Oh god, what a story! Where I work, when people vomit, we have suction canisters, and other people to do the laundry. I take it you are not so lucky.
I.don’t.want.norovirus.
OMG………….I was dying laughing during this post. Having a 10 and 12 year old I have had my share of vomit experiences. One thing you MUST know……….how to take the cover off of your car seat. This is not a good thing to have to read the directions for when it is covered in vomit. Just sayin’. And, I had the noro last week……….it is not to be entered into lightly as an adult. OMG.
Good Lord….
And I think I’ve lost your address… Thank you *so* much for the Interweave Knits. I haven’t been in enough to enjoy it.
~x~
Man, what a trial!!!! I have a pet goat (er, DOG) who ate a whole pound of dark chocolate a few years bag. It was wrapped in foil in a cabinet ABOVE THE COUNTER. they can smell it. I had to give him hydrogen peroxide to get him to throw up and boy, did he. There’s nothing as scary as pools of black vomit everywhere, is there??? Poor dogs, poor kid, poor vomit-cleaner-uppers!!!
I’ve spent close to $1000 this year on my vomiting dog and the emergency vet (because this always happens late on Sunday night) said “Maybe it’s stress.”
Luckily, I’ve been blessed with a child who rarely pukes.
Oh my! I still have vivid memories - nightmares - of a similar occurance with our golden retriever, a box of almond chocolate fund raiser bars (20 total), foil, the backseat of my father’s car and Boomer making some crazy vomiting sounds. Did I mention I was sitting back there with him.
I feel your pain!!