Today is the first day since Sophia’s birth and the subsequent hormonal breakdowns that I have felt challenged by this new role as a mother. When I look at all of the circumstances around me I see that today is no different than yesterday. The only difference is my ability to cope with those circumstances.
By all accounts I have it easy. I have a loving partner, a strong support network and the ability to reach out when I need help (although admittedly I am not so good at actually utilizing that ability.) There are many who have it infinitely worse. My baby is pretty easy going. However, she is a baby who’s only form of communication is a cry, scream, or grunt. I don’t care how compassionate you are…after nights and weeks of sleep deprivation the cry, the scream, and the grunt will start to fray your nerves. The home-bound lifestyle with little interaction with the outside world (save the Internet…ah, the love of a blog) will fray your nerves. We are not talking crisis here. Just a bit worn out and giving it a voice. Perhaps this will help it fall away quicker.
You know, I think it is the responsibility of caring for someone else that is more stressful than the actual caring itself. Even when she sleeps I feel the weight of responsibility. I suppose that will not go away for many, many years - if not decades. I suppose I will get used to that feeling and the weight will not be as great. I suppose when the kid can eat and poop without some sort of action on my part my days will feel a bit easier. He He.
Fortunately nursing has been a bit easier this past week (after a few weeks of the use of a nipple shield. Thank God for silicone). I have healed a bit and can now knit while feeding. At least during those times Ms. “I like to get mad at the boob and scream at it between drinks” is cooperating. So, with that I give you yet another picture of the hat. This one is for posterity sake and also because it makes me feel like I accomplished something - started and finished - that is a good feeling!
