The Bookish Girl

Conversation ~ 2007-04-18

Posted in General, Girl, You are Crazy, Nobody puts Baby in the corner by Bookish Wendy at 10:58 am.
38

Scene: Yesterday. Sophia’s Pediatricians Office (who we lovingly refer to as Dr. Tool). She’s here for her two-month check up, although she is just over 10 weeks now. The Doctor hasn’t yet entered the office.

Bookish Girl: Robby, look through the drawers and find some Chux Pads.

Robby: Are you asking me to steal these?

BG: The lactation consultant told me to do this. She said that they will come in handy when I am pumping in my office at work. They’ll absorb any spills, you know how clumsy I am. Besides, it is not really stealing…our insurance is paying an arm and a leg for our visit and these supplies are part of our visit. Just grab them!

Robby gives Bookish Girl “the look”. Clearly he doesn’t approve of this rationalization. He reluctantly stuffs three Chux Pads into the diaper bag as he stares at the door out of the corner of his eyes.

Robby: What if Dr. Tool walks in?

BG: He won’t care – we’ll just tell him why we need them.

Meanwhile – I am nursing Sophia. She had a bit of a melt down as soon as we walk in the door. I think she knows she is going to get stabbed with a needle during the visit.

The Dr enters with a third year med student who will take our initial information, he is about 12 years old. I continue to breast feed throughout the exam with both Drs. present and in full view of my boob.

We finish the exam, Sophia is stuck with the needles (as a side note: I don’t think I’ll ever be the same, that scream will live with me forever.), and the Drs. leave. I am trying to calm Sophia who has reached epic levels of panic. I look over at Rob who is stuffing MORE CHUX PADS into our bag.

BG: What are you doing? You were barely able to grab those before!

R: The doctors got to see your boobs. This is a give and take relationship and they have to pay up with SOMETHING. They see your boobs. We get to take home more Chux pads.

Our marriage has reached a new level.

A look at my boobs is equal in value to a stack of Chux pads…super absorbent hospital grade Chux pads.

Watch out girls – the jealousy may kill you.

Related posts:

  1. Working Boobs
  3. Raise your Pump Horns in Salute

38 Comments »

  1. Rachel H says:

    can’t type. trying to stifle giggles here.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 11:02 am

  2. WendyI says:

    That’s absolutely hilarious. As a mom of two (soon to be three), I never, ever thought to do that. But now, with the third coming and lots of those visits in my future, I have a more defined plan than ever :)

    That scream will live with you, but never fear … the first is the hardest (though they never truly get better, they just sting a little less).

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 11:18 am

  3. loribird says:

    Gods, he sounds just like my husband. Men are so funny.
    Sorry for Sophia – if it makes it any better, it’s highly unlikely she’ll remember the needles, and her silence if she were to become deathly ill would probably be worse. (That sounds terribly morbid – but I suppose it’s true…)

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 11:22 am

  4. Deb says:

    I’ve seen your boobs while you were breasfeeding. What do I owe Rob for the pleasure?

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 1:36 pm

  5. kniternet says:

    I will never forget the first time I went to visit my best friend from college after she had her baby. We went a full year of being roommates without me ever seeing her boobs, then all of a sudden, it was all boobs, all the time (not in a bad way though). This is a very funny post, and it really reminded me of that visit. Sounds like your husband has a good head on his shoulders, and you both have a diaper full of usefull things! And I never commented before to say it, but Sophia is beautiful!

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 1:40 pm

  6. Zonnah says:

    ROFL :) What a great story.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 1:44 pm

  7. nova says:

    I am crying, I am laughing so hard I am crying.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 1:55 pm

  8. Carole says:

    That’s so funny and I can just picture Rob doing that! I’d say your boobs are worth more than that, though.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 2:08 pm

  9. Carol says:

    Wish I would have though of it that way. You’ll get used to it, sort of-just a mom thing. Man! When I think of all the Chux I could have owned, it just makes me weepy.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 2:16 pm

  10. Karma says:

    I remember that first check up and the first immunizations… I had myself so psyched up for the shots and the pain and the crying. It was heartbreaking in the moment, but then there are more shots at 4 and 6 and 9 and 12 months, and so on, and you start to get used to it a little.

    Aren’t the boobs amazing/hilarious? hee hee!

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 2:17 pm

  11. julia fc says:

    Now I know what to bring as a hostess present next time I come over.
    Just for the record: my boobs are worth a case of 2005 Burgundy Grand Cru.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 2:25 pm

  12. Julie says:

    OMG! That is just too funny :)

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 3:49 pm

  13. Vicki says:

    Really, back up the truck for the Chux!!

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 3:51 pm

  14. Heidi says:

    Hey! chux are great for defrosting the freezer too.

    We did the one-year shots yesterday. It never gets any easier…

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 4:23 pm

  15. Elinor says:

    Ugh. Kid doctor visits. I hated the pediatrician’s office as a kid (germy toys, sickly “kid-friendly” wallpaper, stupid jokes) and it all came rushing back to me as an adult. I will do anything to get out of a trip to the pediatrician’s office with Beatrix! At least you got something out of it! heh.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 5:04 pm

  16. Erin says:

    Boobs are priceless, dude. That’s why even gay guys like ‘em.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 5:53 pm

  17. Teresa C says:

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love it. Wow, that takes me back though.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 6:07 pm

  18. Leslie says:

    OK, I’m officially de-lurking after reading your blog for about a year or so.

    That was probably one of the funniest blog entries I’ve ever read.

    Seriously.

    I even sent the link to friends. It’s sitcom ready. Don’t be surprised if it ends up on that new show “Notes from the Underbelly.”

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 7:04 pm

  19. Barb Outside Boston says:

    I swear, after having my first child, I could walk down the street naked and not have been embarrassed. My body just didn’t feel like it belonged to me anymore. I’m finally taking possession again now that the kids are 8 & 10.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 9:54 pm

  20. frecklegirl jess says:

    That is too freaking funny. hahaha

    What else can you pay for with boobs??? The mind reels.

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 10:28 pm

  21. Wannabe says:

    We don’t vax so I don’t know what that scream sounds like, but I can just imagine. :(

    That Chux story will live on forever! Bwahahaha..

    Comment - April 18, 2007 : 11:24 pm

  22. Wendy says:

    Awesome.

    So Chux pads are Momma’s mardi gras beads?
    Good to know, good to know.

    Comment - April 19, 2007 : 1:15 am

  23. Kate says:

    Sophia won’t remember the pain from the needle… don’t worry. It’s more of a “hey! that’s a new thing and I don’t like it!” scream, I’m sure.

    And, wow… sounds like Rob is a keeper! :)

    Comment - April 19, 2007 : 7:51 am

  24. cyn says:

    it’s even better when you can hear Rob saying it, deadpan and with his accent. Great story! I think it should go in the baby book!

    Comment - April 19, 2007 : 10:02 am

  25. Stephanie says:

    I return to work next week, and one of the few perks (for me, anyway) of my postdoc in a lab is the unlimited supply of chux pads. I had a supply at home and in the car in case my water broke, and I will definitely be using them when I pump at work. If you need any between doctors visits, just holler, and I’ll hook you up! I have no problem using as many as I need and sharing the wealth, since the “important” place at which I work can re-landscape every month, but can’t seem to find the resources for on-site daycare.

    Thanks for your note yesterday. I know how much time and energy it takes to write and send an email, especially to a complete stranger. Much appreciated!

    Comment - April 19, 2007 : 11:55 am

  26. claudia says:

    That was laugh out loud funny.

    Comment - April 19, 2007 : 1:29 pm

  27. heather says:

    Ha! Ha! Ha! Hope Doogie Howser MD was kind to you, it seems like your husband a good sense of fairness. Thanks for sharing this one…so, when are you writing your funny-knitting-mommy book?

    Comment - April 19, 2007 : 2:49 pm

  28. blogless sharon says:

    that was a hoot . lets face it, boob are power!

    Comment - April 19, 2007 : 4:53 pm

  29. Anne-Caroline says:

    That is a hysterical story.

    Comment - April 19, 2007 : 9:42 pm

  30. Jackie says:

    That made me laugh out loud. I can so see Rob doing that. ;)

    Comment - April 20, 2007 : 9:23 am

  31. JulieFrick says:

    This is seriously the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. We stole TONS of stuff when the Biscuit was little. From the hospital, the doctor… I mean, why only two days of the magical icy maxi pad? Clearly four days at least are necessary!

    Comment - April 20, 2007 : 9:52 am

  32. Thalia says:

    How. Sweet. Is that.

    Aaawwwww! :)

    Comment - April 20, 2007 : 11:00 am

  33. Miss Scarlett says:

    That is hilarious!
    So sad to imagine that cry – you Moms are made of strong stuff.

    Comment - April 20, 2007 : 12:01 pm

  34. Bonny says:

    Our pediatrician, with the help of a nurse, used to like to give his patients 2 immunizations (maybe DPT & MMR?) at the same time so the child just felt one “burst” of pain. They wanted me to lie across my children’s legs to hold them down during the process, but I had to refuse; bad enough I had to hear “the scream”.

    When Sophia gets a little older and possibly needs some sort of Rx, especially antibiotics, be sure and ask if the dr. has any samples. The drug reps. deliver the stuff by the caseload, so our dr. always had plenty of antibiotics, antihistamine, cough meds., sometimes even first aid kits, digital thermometers, acetaminophen & iboprofen. Just ask – no stealing necessary! You may want to consider a larger diaper bag?

    Comment - April 20, 2007 : 3:57 pm

  35. Lorette says:

    That is totally a fair trade.

    And all the new young doctors are looking 12 to me. I think their mothers have to drive them to work. Does that mean I’m getting old?

    Comment - April 22, 2007 : 11:07 am

  36. Laura says:

    I keep getting the giggles over this.

    Incidentally, it’s been weeks since we got to see a baby picture or knitting. I would be more than happy to settle for a baby picture and not bring up the knitting again.

    Comment - April 23, 2007 : 8:31 pm

  37. Heather says:

    And what’s the price for touching them?! I was positively groped by the lactation people at the hospital!

    Pumping while working is quite the experience! Best of luck to you (its definitely worth the effort!)

    Comment - April 24, 2007 : 11:53 am

  38. juli says:

    you need to publish this stuff. too freaking funny. :)

    Comment - May 1, 2007 : 11:39 pm

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