Dear Boston,

It’s not you, it’s me. I love you in spite of your curvy nondescript streets, your over-priced real estate and your crowded sidewalks. In fact, like a true Bostonian there are days when these flaws endear you to me. Oh Boston. It was an impossible relationship from the start.

Me, a girl, coming to you in a fit of escape from a Southern land that I hated. You, a city, welcoming me with open arms but tight lips. It took years for me to find a community of friends and a peace in my heart. At which point you opened those lips and truly, truly welcomed me. However, through it all, deep in my heart, I understood you and, for the first time in many many years, felt like I was Home.

With you I welcomed my Sweetie to my Home. He and I built our lives together here. First in a two-level rental on a dead end street. His cats hiding in a room, his dog romping in the back, my dog obsessively monitoring the cats. It was a big circle of love and joy. You gave us a hard winter followed by a lovely spring and summer where we sat on our back porch and welcomed new friends into our lives.

A year later my sweetie and I decided to move, to buy a home within your walls. You spoke and we purchased the first home we saw, only a week after we saw it for the first time. As we walked through the empty rooms my sweetie and I listened to the house and we felt that it held good things for us. It spoke softly and with a lot of energy. We moved in. We were engaged. Sweetie was mugged.

Things changed then, my love for you shifted. You had hurt my trust and my sense of security was lost. I knew in the weeks that followed that our love affair was doomed but it continued for over three years. This realization didn’t stop me from relishing in all of your good qualities and the parts of you that touch me.

The sense of history. Tradition. Independence. Community.

A chance to take part in a greater part of something.

The vibration of a city, the trains, the buses, the freaks, the normal people.

Our neighborhood teeming with diversity, Latin music blasting in the summer, the smell of garlic wafting through our streets.

You are rich and you are dynamic. I will miss this about you.

I will miss my friends. Those who have shepherded me through my days and nights, drink in hand, laughter on the lips, and wit in the minds. You have provided me with a lifetime of good memories and an arsenal of friendships that will carry me throughout my life.

I will not miss the daily grind, the difficulty of heading to the grocery store. The time it takes to drive anywhere within your streets. The low hum of worry as our bank account dips and dips and dips. We cannot afford your treats.

I was married while living here. My baby was conceived and born. She became the best kind of city baby, at home in a sling on a bus, uncomfortable in the confines of her car seat. As with me you welcomed the baby with open arms. You have kissed her forehead and given her life. I regret that you cannot offer her a true security, by way of providing her proximity to her extended family. Because of this we must leave you.

It’s not you, it’s me. You’ve given me so much these last 6 ½ years. I adore you and will miss you. My priorities have changed, my heart and family need more than you can provide.

You are no longer Home. Home is where I was raised, where my family is, where my daughter will come to know her Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. Home is now Rochester.

I will deeply miss you,

-Wendy

Sophia is with our sitter Monday - Thursday and I work from home on Fridays. Except for this week. Rob is home with her. This will mark the first time he has watched her alone for more than a few hours. The first time my aunt left my uncle with their first child for an extended period of time he forgot to feed the kid dinner. Upon discovering this flagrant lack of common sense my uncle told her that she forgot to tell him he would have to do that so he didn’t even think of it. My uncle is a great father, clearly this is an occupation that takes practice.

Rob is a fabulous father. However, I half expect to come home this evening to find both of them sprawled out on the couch having gorged themselves in chips, beer, and porn.

I just received this email message - with the picture attached.

hi mommy…

hope you’re having a good day. sorry you had to go to
work in the cold rain. if that don’t suck ass… i
don’t know what.

i’m having a really good day. i slept and slept in
bed all morning without making a single peep. i saved
it all up and then blew my top right when daddy was
trying to make a poop. i never laughed so hard in my
life. you should have seen his face. what a loser.

then daddy changed my clothes and diaper. as soon as
he got a clean diaper on me, i made the biggest,
nastiest, stinkiest, runniest poop that went all over
the house. you should have seen the look on his face.
what a loser.

right now i’m listening to neko case* and getting
really sleepy.

anyway… i miss you very much. hurry home as soon as
you can… as daddy was eye-balling the budweisers
when he got my bottle out of the fridge (and it’s not
even LUNCH!)

i love you,
sophia

* I want to marry Neko Case.  Her lastest album in incredible and it soothes Sophia in a way that little else can.   Steph, can Joe introduce us?  He has connections, right?! I mean how big can the Canadian music scene be? 

When I was younger than I am now one of my favorite snacks was Ice Tea Mix stuck to a Melty Ice Cube. I would take the cube and dip it into the mix (usually right out of the container) and suck off the mix. Yum. For some reason I have the taste of it in my mouth. It’s been years and years since I have even thought about such a thing.

On to other random thoughts -

I have found some super cool links in the past few days, and months, and years. I thought I might share.

• Here is a link to a site that outlines the methods and numbers for a variety of sock heels. So. Cool. (via Big Sister by way of Ravelry’s discussion boards.
• Sock sizing Tips
• DIY BabyLegs. BabyLegs are just about the cutest things since sliced bread. Leg warmers for your wee one. Now you can make them yourself. By the way - Old Navy has knee-highs. (via Pumpkin Mama)
• Gnooks. You can put in the name of an author and it will return a word map with authors who are similar
• This Next. Yet another cool site to catalog your material wishes and get ideas from others. This is incredibly easy to use and is highly functional. I love it. I have not gotten around to making recommendations yet but I have started a wee bit of a wish list.
• Cook’s Thesaurus. There is an ingredient of the month! Kind of like a playmate of the month for the foodie. Ohhh, braised red cabbage you are so fine, you make my heart race.
• One Look Reverse Dictionary. You know how you can think of every other word to describe something but you can’t actually think of the name of that something? This is for you. I have not used it enough to figure out if it actually works
• The National Archives website directory of America’s Historical Documents. Wanna see Elvis’s letter to President Nixon? This is the place. One of my all time favorite posters (below) is part of the Powers of Persuasion Exhibit. So Interesting.
  

So I didn’t write toward the end of last week because my pumping breaks were in a haze of exhaustion. I did not cry a drop last week, I did get very close. This is not a badge of honor. Just a point of note. I felt like crying. There are a lot of things flying around here lately and going back to work is just one of them. Sophia did really well with my sister and I am so thankful she was able to use her VACATION time to come babysit. It was her idea…to ease my transition. I am lucky to have a sister like her.

Our babysitter started yesterday. She will be here for the summer. I stayed home to ease her transition and I am so glad I did. The wee babe had spent the last two days SCREAMING her little lungs out. We were thinking that she had an ear infection, no wait it was the gas, no wait she’s hungry, no wait she’s tired. The doctor says she’s fine - no sign of infection, etc, etc.

She gave a hint of this behavior during our trip to NHS&W. Picture a sad and sorry little baby crying and crying and crying while I tried to keep her away from people for fear of burning their ears. It was so sad and very sucky until she fell asleep in the sling. I felt horrible for her and I wasn’t able to enjoy too much of the festival up until that point. I realized that while she is pretty flexible and, in most cases, game for anything that I get really tired and it’s hard to keep the pace that I used to keep and do all the things that I used to like to do. Sigh. So. Many. Changes.

Thankfully there were many hands to help. Mama Cate took her at one point and worked some kind of baby whispering magic. Her magic gave Sophia about an hour of peace. Unfortunately during the worst of it I was woefully alone, until Cynthia walked by (*with Wanda who was in town, hi Wanda!*) and I just about attacked her and handed off the babe in order to get a bit of a break. My girls were in abundance and pushed the stroller (aka sherpa aka yarn carrier) around for me.
Other than that it was a great time. I got to shower love on Kellee and hung with my Teamies from Boston (uh, Jackie was supposed to join us but she was, get this, Hung Over…she swore she was going to rally and make it anyway. The reality of the situation bit her in the ass, we missed you!). I love these girls. There are no words for the level of comfort I feel with them. I am lucky indeed to have such great friends here in Boston and in Blog land. The festivals, especially NHS&W, is such a great opportunity to catch up with those in New England that I miss and love to hang out with. And all of this due to this here blog.

I picked up some more merino from Nick’s Meadow Farm (I’ll try to get a pic of it tonight). It is the yarn that I used in Sophia’s Kai Sweater…I absolutely love this yarn. I purchased enough to make another sweater for Sophia, this time a size larger for next winter. I also picked up some Wool (with a capital W to emphasize the how woolly it is) to make Soakers for baby. That’s it…I didn’t get a thing more. Unless you count all the fair food - there was a LOT of that.

I have a ton of old business to catch up on this here blog. We have the Naming Contest, The Knitted Gifts, The Shower of Love, The Slumber Party, etc.

But first some new news:

Ravelry. Many of you are likely hip to this by now. Cathi’s post reminded me that I had yet to offer my rave reviews and glowing comments about Jess and her husband Casey’s new baby. Jess, who I feel lucky to know in real life, first mentioned this project to a group of us at Jackie’s house during her swatching madness project. I was especially interested in this idea as it speaks to my Type A heart in a special whisper. It reminded me of a LibraryThing for knits. A great thing indeed.

I have spent a bit of time on the site and am incredibly impressed. Casey built this site during his free time (he has a full time job). They are in the process of adding more Beta Users. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term Beta as it is used here it is simply another term for test users. The site is not quite ready for wide release. Beta users give the developers (in this case just Casey) an opportunity to get feedback about bugs and solicit input regarding changes and organization). Jess, being the sweet knitter she is, is concerned that peeps will get frustrated because they have queued up and haven’t been added (I think the list is at like 3,000 now?!). The plan is to keep the site smaller and slowly add users as Casey and Jess work towards tweaking it to perfection. The tweaks will increase it’s usability. At that point it will be open to the public much like other sites are. Everyone will be welcome.

Having said that I have one invite left. Anyone out there want it? First come first served. The more time you have to devote to the site the better.  ETA:  It’s been taken….
On to other things.

New Hampshire Sheep and Wool. Any of you headed up this weekend?

For those of you who think Sophia looks like me…I give you….her father….

aka: Daddy and Mini Me.

And lastly..

Robby and I are headed to a wedding this fall in the Berkshires, specifically Lee, MA. Does anyone have any suggestions for Inns or Hotels? We’re not really into the B&B thing. It’s too “I’m staying in a strangers house” for me.

There are some funny returning to work after baby stories in the comments from yesterday’s post. I am sorry my day wasn’t a bit more eventful, it was calm and not too stressful (aside from a last minute deadline that kept me here later than I wanted to be) and Sophia seemed to have done beautifully in the arms of my little sister. Apparently she slept most of the day! Me? There were no tears, however, I was exhausted and ready for bed at 8pm. Here begins the slow process of changing Sophia’s schedule. She has always been ready for night time sleep at 10:30 pm, not a minute earlier. I suspect it will take her a few weeks to adjust to an earlier bedtime.

I suspect that next week (when Sophia spends the day with a stranger, The Nanny) will be harder. Deep cleaning breath.
As for the pumping at work thing. There are some great hints that I have gotten.

• Chux Rock
• Hands Free Tandem pumping is really the way to go. I had read that cutting holes in an old bra was a good way to accomplish this. While I think this is a cheap solution it is certainly not the most convenient because you will have to undress to put the bra on. A better solution is a Hands Free Bustier. I have the Easy Expression brand (although not purchased from the linked to site) and it is worth every penny. Mostly just for the funny promotional picture on the product description and packaging.
• Feeling yourself up goes a long way for production.
• God Bless the private office.
• Keep a sock-in-progress in the pumping bag.
• You don’t need to clean your horn set up every time. Just stick in a plastic bag in the fridge for the next time. I am cleaning mine every evening.

That is all - go and be proud with your pumping self and if you see a lactating working mom give her a hug today. Now that I know what the carrying cases look like I have noticed a bunch of lactators on the train and bus. As Pumpkin Mama says, “I’m raising my pump horns in salute.”

I am back to work today. Today is only the 4th time I have left Sophia (the 3rd time was only this past Saturday) and the 1st time for longer than a few hours. I am presently sitting at my desk in my office with tandem breast pumps attached to my boobs listening to the hmm-whosh of the breast pump. Not fun, not attractive but necessary. This is all hard. But I think I am doing okay. At least for today and when today is over I will worry about tomorrow and when that is over I will worry about the following day. That is really all any of us can do.

The upside (there is ALWAYS and upside) is that I have given myself permission to use this time during my day to write. Write for the blog, write for myself, write. So, with any luck and assuming I can keep my work load under control you should be hearing from me a bit more often. I have two hands free for the first time in three months. It’s amazing what you can do with these suckers.

Me back at work means another thing. The little miss is three months old.

She is doing great. Just yesterday she actually played with a toy. She engaged in it rather than the usual random whapping with the flying arm. She could kill a ninja with those arms. She’s that skilled.

The dress she is wearing is Debbie Bliss’s Picot Dress from her book Special Knits.

I used Rowan RYC Cashsoft 4-ply. I absolutely love, love, love this yarn. Love. If I knit it again I would do it in the round and I eliminated the pocket. Otherwise - the pattern was knit as intended. So. Cute.

PS - The Chux Pads are awesome for the office breast-pumping.

PPS - I was getting spammed to death and have implemented a few plugins to manage it. If the comments are wonky please let me know via the contact button.