Dear John
Dear Boston,
It’s not you, it’s me. I love you in spite of your curvy nondescript streets, your over-priced real estate and your crowded sidewalks. In fact, like a true Bostonian there are days when these flaws endear you to me. Oh Boston. It was an impossible relationship from the start.
Me, a girl, coming to you in a fit of escape from a Southern land that I hated. You, a city, welcoming me with open arms but tight lips. It took years for me to find a community of friends and a peace in my heart. At which point you opened those lips and truly, truly welcomed me. However, through it all, deep in my heart, I understood you and, for the first time in many many years, felt like I was Home.
With you I welcomed my Sweetie to my Home. He and I built our lives together here. First in a two-level rental on a dead end street. His cats hiding in a room, his dog romping in the back, my dog obsessively monitoring the cats. It was a big circle of love and joy. You gave us a hard winter followed by a lovely spring and summer where we sat on our back porch and welcomed new friends into our lives.
A year later my sweetie and I decided to move, to buy a home within your walls. You spoke and we purchased the first home we saw, only a week after we saw it for the first time. As we walked through the empty rooms my sweetie and I listened to the house and we felt that it held good things for us. It spoke softly and with a lot of energy. We moved in. We were engaged. Sweetie was mugged.
Things changed then, my love for you shifted. You had hurt my trust and my sense of security was lost. I knew in the weeks that followed that our love affair was doomed but it continued for over three years. This realization didn’t stop me from relishing in all of your good qualities and the parts of you that touch me.
The sense of history. Tradition. Independence. Community.
A chance to take part in a greater part of something.
The vibration of a city, the trains, the buses, the freaks, the normal people.
Our neighborhood teeming with diversity, Latin music blasting in the summer, the smell of garlic wafting through our streets.
You are rich and you are dynamic. I will miss this about you.
I will miss my friends. Those who have shepherded me through my days and nights, drink in hand, laughter on the lips, and wit in the minds. You have provided me with a lifetime of good memories and an arsenal of friendships that will carry me throughout my life.
I will not miss the daily grind, the difficulty of heading to the grocery store. The time it takes to drive anywhere within your streets. The low hum of worry as our bank account dips and dips and dips. We cannot afford your treats.
I was married while living here. My baby was conceived and born. She became the best kind of city baby, at home in a sling on a bus, uncomfortable in the confines of her car seat. As with me you welcomed the baby with open arms. You have kissed her forehead and given her life. I regret that you cannot offer her a true security, by way of providing her proximity to her extended family. Because of this we must leave you.
It’s not you, it’s me. You’ve given me so much these last 6 ½ years. I adore you and will miss you. My priorities have changed, my heart and family need more than you can provide.
You are no longer Home. Home is where I was raised, where my family is, where my daughter will come to know her Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. Home is now Rochester.
I will deeply miss you,
-Wendy
Awww, Wendy. I knew this was coming, in fact, I’ve been waiting for it. But still, you’re breaking my heart, kid.
24 May 2007 at 10:07 am
Well. Rochester is super-fabulous too, right? Right??
OK, maybe not super-fabulous, but you will be happy there and that’s what matters.
24 May 2007 at 10:09 am
Good for you! Knowing what’s right for your family. But, wait…. Do you think you’ll be gone before July? I think we’re coming up there in July!
24 May 2007 at 10:15 am
You’re doing what you know is right…you’ll always have good memories of Boston and it will always be in your blood.
24 May 2007 at 10:20 am
It’s a hard decision to leave, but I would give almost anything to be able to live near my extended family. It never mattered to me until I had kids, but now…
best of luck to you!
24 May 2007 at 10:25 am
Boston will always want to remain friends, even if you are breaking its heart.
Funny how starting a new family makes one yearn to be with the old one. Best wishes to you!
24 May 2007 at 10:27 am
A tough decision no doubt but in the end I am sure it will be the right choice. Best of luck to you, Rob and Sophia as you begin this new chapter of your lives.
24 May 2007 at 10:27 am
A beautiful tribute. I understand the sentiment all too well and know that we will be moving on from here in the next few years, bringing Owen closer to our families. I myself am feeling bittersweet about your move - SOOO glad to have met you but not soon enough to enjoy your company here for long.
Hope the next few weeks go well for you and the family, as you pack and plan and say goodbye and look ahead with aniticipation!
24 May 2007 at 10:28 am
Rochester is far, but if you continue to blog it won’t seem that way to me.
24 May 2007 at 10:44 am
Wendy,
I think we must meet! I’ve commented once before based on Rochester schtuffs and now this!
My husband and I too are moving to Rochester from Boston, but not this summer. I will finish my MSW at BU and then we will move back to Rochester in 2008, where we can afford to buy a house and are much closer to family so that we can start our own.
When do you move?
Hannah
24 May 2007 at 10:46 am
What a tough decision but probably a good one for your whole family. Good luck in your move! Hope everything goes as smoothly for you as it’s gone for us!
24 May 2007 at 10:49 am
Rochester is lucky to have you, Boston will miss you. It’s crazy how everyone is leaving at the same time! Good luck to you and thanks for this lovely post.
24 May 2007 at 11:01 am
Just for the record, are you going to Rochester, New York, or Minnesota? I sympathize with you. My sister-in-law’s friends envy her for having me handy to look after, schlep, love, her kids — whom I of course adore. Priceless, in both directions.
24 May 2007 at 11:05 am
I felt the same way… though it wasn’t ’til I was pregnant with #2 that I knew “it was over” and I didn’t write a half-so-nice letter (in fact, I didn’t write a letter at all!).
We did it for exactly the same reasons as you. I have not regretted it for one single second.
24 May 2007 at 11:05 am
Boston is a great city, but I can’t imagine living there. But, sometimes you have to be as brave to leave somewhere as to stay. Good luck with all the moving madness!!
24 May 2007 at 11:35 am
If we weren’t leaving, too, I would be an absolute wreck about your imminent move. Since we ARE leaving, and since I know how hard it is to stay AND to go, I understand why you need to go and why it’s best for your family. Boston will be emptier without the three of you (and all your furbabies) in it.
Love you.
E
24 May 2007 at 11:56 am
What a beautiful post. Best wishes in the move, from a long-distance bostonian who’s never stopped missing it… Being closer to family will be fabulous for all of you, I know!
24 May 2007 at 11:58 am
Oh Wendy! What a beautiful post
I totally understand being right beside you here… its a wonderful place, but I still call Colorado home 
Go where you must to live life to the fullest! Stay in touch! -Dani
24 May 2007 at 11:59 am
A fitting tribute to many great years. I’m sure Boston will miss you as well, but it’s exciting to know that there will be many more great memories made in Rochester!
24 May 2007 at 12:25 pm
Boo hoo. But, I totally understand. My husband and I lived in Florida for three years before returning and settling in Boston(my home). You will not regret being near family. Hugs to you.
24 May 2007 at 12:47 pm
My heart is so sad to read your love of Boston and your life there. You will miss all the great friends & people you have come across. They are all close to my heart also for being your support for these years. Dad & I are so proud of you and all that you and hubby have done & are.
Rochester will never be Boston in so many ways, but will be full of love from your family. Welcome back home with snow and cloudly days.
Love, Mom
24 May 2007 at 12:53 pm
Ah, Wendy, we’ll miss you here. But keep blogging, so we can keep up with you way out west :-).
24 May 2007 at 12:57 pm
On the one hand, it sure is sad giving up the city life, for all its wonders and flaws.
On the other…Rochester is one of those places we want to move someday, due to the proximity of some great friends, among other things, and now you! Maybe we’ll get to meet for a playdate someday!
24 May 2007 at 1:11 pm
Sigh. It seems like I just you and now you’re leaving! I know, it’s not like you didn’t warn us, but I sort of hoped you had changed your mind.
It’s almost to the point of “another day, another Boston blogger gone”… what did we do??? Seriously, we can change!
24 May 2007 at 1:16 pm
I grew up in NYC (well, Queens) and thought I could never live anywhere else. After getting married, we moved to the Rochester area, and at first I couldn’t consider it home. Now, with kids, several years later, I know what a fantastic community we have here. It’s got all the great things big cities have, just on a smaller scale.
I love it here now. It’s home. Welcome back!
24 May 2007 at 2:33 pm
Wow, when do you leave? I enjoy going back to visit my family in the Boston area but I’m glad I no longer live there. It’s a really fantastic place to visit, as I’m sure you’ll learn soon! Best of luck!
24 May 2007 at 2:45 pm
I lived in Boston and loved it. But my family is in San Diego, and when I decided to have kids, I couldn’t imagine doing it anywhere else. My two boys have grown up with their grandparents. They have their own room there, their own toys, their special activities. They call their grandparents’ house “our house”, just as they do their own. They’ve never been to daycare, never had a babysitter who wasn’t a blood relation. They have uncles in town who come and play with them. They play on the playground at their Mom’s elementary school, and hike in the canyon where Mom built a fort as a kid. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, even Boston.
24 May 2007 at 3:32 pm
K and I love you and will miss you all desperately. We have, sadly, come to feel the same way about Boston.
Thank you for being my favorite neighbor. And thank you for being my friend - now and going forward.
24 May 2007 at 3:56 pm
What a beautiful sentiment. I’ve been to Rochester NY several times and I think it’s absolutely beautiful; don’t know anything about the other Rochester.
Hope you all are feeling tight-knit right about now!
(Get it? I said knit. I crack me up.)
24 May 2007 at 4:24 pm
I am so happy for you, although it is a bittersweet happiness. I mean, you’re going to have Wegman’s, so I can’t feel too sad for you.
24 May 2007 at 4:40 pm
Rochester? As in Rochester, NY? As in you could totally do a day trip to Toronto? That would be very cool.
Good for you for having the strength to make a move like this for your family. It’s not easy. But after I read what your Mom wrote, if I didn’t already know it was the right choice because I trust your decision, Mom would’ve sealed it for me.
24 May 2007 at 4:46 pm
Wendy! Such bittersweet news. From the other comments I infer that you will be living nearer to family, and with kids that becomes so important. Aunts, uncles, cousins enrich a growing baby’s life immeasurably. Be well, be happy, but most important, don’t be a stranger!
24 May 2007 at 5:04 pm
And WHERE in Massachusetts is Rochester again??
I’m sad. I’m happy. I’m sad again.
xoxoxo
love you!
24 May 2007 at 5:25 pm
I could have written the same letter to Richmond three years ago when we moved the family back home to Philadelphia. Living away from the family for 15 years was such a life-changing experience, allowing me to develop my own interests and identity away from people who knew me my whole life.
But as I write this, my kids are playing in the backyard with their cousins. I’ll have lunch with my sister this weekend. There is just nothing like having a day-to-day relationship with your family.
24 May 2007 at 5:38 pm
Well, Boston doesn’t have the Strong Museum of play - just a stinky aquarium…score one for Rochester! Best of luck with the move.
24 May 2007 at 6:06 pm
Hello from a native Rochesterian… Websterite, to be precise. I’m not there anymore, but I know a few knitters and I visit from time to time, so let me know if you ever need something or want to just hang out with with me and my little one. Good luck.
24 May 2007 at 7:30 pm
that’s IT!!! we’re staying!!!
24 May 2007 at 7:40 pm
Oh my goodness,,,good for you! I am sure you will be happy just to be near family. I know how it is to be far away when you have a little one you want to share. We are headed to Rochester this weekend. I’ll let them know you’re coming!
Best wishes on your journey! Keep us posted.
24 May 2007 at 8:52 pm
Ah, I think I’m about four years behind you … I’ve lived in Boston three years now and while I think of leaving, I’m not there yet. It’s still love, or at least the downswing of infatuation. For a little while longer at least …
Boston (and I) will miss you.
24 May 2007 at 9:48 pm
We lived in the Boston are pre-baby, I think it would be very difficult now…and I would like to think that Rochester will be a wonderful place for your family. Good luck Wendy!!
25 May 2007 at 12:17 am
So nicely put. As you know, Rochester is a wonderful place to live…Wegmans, the RPO, the lake, frozen custard, affordable homes, great schools. When I was first married, I moved to Rochester from Montreal and grew to love it, despite the fact that I was an intern and resident. Ah yes, good medical care too.
25 May 2007 at 8:24 am
Long-time lurker here…I always liked knowing you were in Boston, but wish you all the best in your new/old home in Rochester. Thanks for such a heartfelt goodbye to our fair city!
25 May 2007 at 12:49 pm
Aww, everyone is leaving!
Good on you for knowing what is best, we’ll miss you, but Rochester really ISN’T that far!
*hug*
25 May 2007 at 1:06 pm
Rochester NY??!!! Where are you moving to? I lived there for about 12 years of my life. We lived in Chili for most of the time. Then my family moved to NH, I lived in Greece in an apartment (went to MCC and worked at the Gap Kids at Marketplace Mall), then lived on campus at St. John Fisher while finishing up my degree. I’m now in Colorado. Ohhh, Rochester. Only people there knows how to really say Chili, and what a Garbage Plate is. And Wegmans! Oh, give my love to Wegmans. Anyways, I digress. Good luck moving!!
25 May 2007 at 5:56 pm
ooh it is bittersweet. good luck with the move! you are making the right choice, i want to be close to my family too. but boy is boston losing a bright one
25 May 2007 at 6:14 pm
when begins the Great Migration?
25 May 2007 at 10:57 pm
Best wishes to all of you as you move on to new things. While I don’t yet have kids, we did just buy a house in the town where I grew up, so I can understand the pull to be near family. Thanks to the internet, I’ll still get to read about the Bookish Family (and see cutie Sophia pictures!), even when you are all in another state. Boston will miss you!
25 May 2007 at 11:23 pm
Good luck with the move! Being near family is going to make it all worth it. I’d give anything (well, other than joblessness, I guess) to live near my family again, but geophysicists have tons of jobs in Houston.
26 May 2007 at 7:19 am
oh man…now i want to move to rochester …
27 May 2007 at 9:40 am
Oh that is going to be such a great move for you and your little family.
Extended family is so important when you have a little one. Think of all the precious memories she will gain in the heart of your family!
A moving post — in more ways than one.
28 May 2007 at 8:50 pm
Happy for you, sad for me. I know you and DH are making the right move for your family. All the best! We’ll miss you.
28 May 2007 at 9:56 pm
Boston will miss you, too, although Pumpkinmama is right … it will always want to be friends.
Best of luck to all of you as you mark this new phase of your lives …
(p.s. your mom rocks.)
28 May 2007 at 11:51 pm
This gives me the shivers. A friend forwarded this entry to me today, as I am getting ready to leave Rochester, my home, my family, for Boston, the city of my dreams. Best of luck to you in your return.
29 May 2007 at 3:00 pm
Dude, the grass may seem greener now, so write after you pay your first tax bill and when the well-meaning grandparents are driving you up the wall second guessing your parenting choices. (oh slap me, i’m such a devoted Bostonian, I can’t help myself).
Do you know Kate Gilbert is a native Rochesterian?
You never asked me about the suburbs, where we moved to for mugging and traffic reasons, not to mention children’s quality of life. But I understand there was more at play than a few simple facts of life. We’ll keep your seat warm, whether you decide to visit, or change your mind(s).
bon voyage
30 May 2007 at 11:21 pm
Baby’s exert a strong magnetic pull. I’m glad you have family you want to be closer to, and the employment flexibility and savvy to make it happen. As others have said, I look forward to hearing about you and Sophia when you get re-settled. Sorry we couldn’t connect in person while you were in MA. But if you are ever in Dallas……….
01 Jun 2007 at 11:57 pm
this is an exodus! Melanie, Elisa, Jackie, YOU…
too sad!
i want to go back home too!
(even though my children already know their closest relatives well enough, and more might actually prove a bit much for the relatives….)
anyway, sending you all good wishes possible, but still sad: Good Luck!
04 Jun 2007 at 11:36 am