Our Sophia is now 9 months old. Actually, 9 months, 2 weeks. 17.5 lbs and 27 inches, shorty mc shortpants.

At this point I can honestly say that all of the advice, support and hugs you all gave me during those early days paid off. I made it. It was not an awful trip, but it was hard and difficult. It most certainly is not over but I can unequivocally say to those behind us that it DOES get better. Not only better - but AWESOME. (BTW - if you’re just finding me and a new mom check out the comments in some of the old posts - they are incredible.)

She is a blast. Funny, goofy, smiley, innocent, endearing, snuggly and incredible. She giggles, tells us “stories”, rolls and pushes herself around. She is always “giving” us stuff, although she doesn’t always like it when we take it from her. Ah, the nuances of being 9 months. She claps, waves bye-bye and pinches until her heart is content.

Yummy, Beans and Rice

She loves to eat - anything we give her she gobbles up. We have discovered that she loves watermelon in particular. Peas and Bananas aren’t far behind on the favorite list. She’s working on expanding her world. Pulling up, standing on our laps, pushing her voice to new octaves. She thinks the animals are hilarious and loves their kisses.

We bought a $6 car for her at a garage sale - her dad pimped it out for her with flame stickers and everything. She loves this car. She sits in it with her hands at 10 and 2 rocking back and forth until we make it go. It’s hilarious to see her cruising around the neighborhood with my mom behind. This is, by far, her favorite toy. She also loves her johnny jump up - she has taken to spinning herself silly in that thing.

The Little Banana (halloween costume) takes to the road

She still isn’t the greatest sleeper but she has improved. This has actually been the most difficult thing for me - the lack of sleep. We had quite a journey getting to the point we are at and I hope we made good decisions and continue to do the best we can do in this arena. Ahhh, sweet sleep.

Sleep? Who needs stinking sleep?!

We had her 9 month check up yesterday. The pediatrician (who was my pediatrician!) was asking the usual developmental questions. I mentioned that Sophia had started to throw temper tantrums. The Dr. looked at my with a grim face and said, “Already?!” Ha! Here we come world - stubborn, intelligent, curious, active, and passionate all words that will likely describe the adult Sophia. Incredible attributes in an adult woman - in a baby and toddler? Not so much.

She is an incredible traveller. Flexible, good humored and up for the adventure.

We must hike now Mama.

It has been an incredible joy to see the world through her eyes, to love her and hold her. We feel very lucky.

The hearts are extremely satisfying to knit. I did a few with Noro Kureyon, the colorway varies from Red to Dark Green to purple. It was perfect for what I was feeling. I did some more with Rowan Chunky Print (sadly discontinued), some others with Reynolds Blizzard. I have a bunch of other yarn set aside and I’ll be knitting all week.

Rob and I decided Friday morning that we needed to be in Boston this weekend for Baby G’s service. We drove the 6 hours Friday afternoon, arriving late at the Obsession House. Sophia was a champion traveler the entire weekend. We spent Saturday with Kristine, Arthur, N, their family and friends. There was a mass, burial, and gathering at a family member’s house. It was incredibly healing and I am so glad we went. We spent the rest of our time with Alan, Jess and N. Sunday came too quickly. Kristine, Arthur and N joined us for an afternoon of football, stories, pictures, and some even a bit of laughter. I feel quite a bit better after this weekend. I still am angry, pissed, and confused about the why. But, I know that there is meaning somewhere and we just have to be patient for it to reveal itself. Kristine and Arthur are hanging in there. I think it was good for them to spend the time with people that love them. They have a long road to haul. They did a beautiful job with the service and have shared so much of themselves through all of this.

We talked and talked on Sunday. Kristine shared and Arthur shared and we wondered why it all happened. At the end of our conversation the only thing I could conclude was - It was just stupid. The whole thing stupid. The loss of a child - stupid. The fact that we all had to have these conversations - stupid. All of it - stupid.

And you know what? I felt better after that…calling it all stupid helped. Because that’s what it is. There just are no two ways about it. It’s stupid.

Thank you for all your comments and emails.  I have decided to give Kristine and Arthur a print out of the post and the comments when I see them next week.  I am going to be in Boston for about 12 hours and thankfully will be able to see them for a few of those.

I have been planning a care package to send to them or to give when I see them in person.  So far I plan to include some yummy homemade granola, some laminated pictures of N and Sophia for N to have, a crown for Neala (from this book), and something knitted.  I had some trouble with this last one.  My plan was to knit something for the baby after it arrived.  I was thinking one of these cute Baby Surprise Kits from Blue Moon would work.  I still may do that as a therapeutic process and then just put it away for safekeeping.  I’m not sure if that will help or not.  I have to think on it some more.

In the meantime, as a knitter I show love, compassion, and caring through my craft.  I typically only knit for family and close friends.  And when I do that I am very cognizant of the recipient as I knit for them, stitching in hopes, dreams, kind thoughts, and power.  I have talked of the power of handknits and my feelings on it before.  What to knit for a care package of this nature?  I was clicking through Ravelry and came across this pattern for little hearts.  I’ll start knitting today and see how many I can get done before I leave next week.  How nice would it be to give a box filled with hearts?  Wish me luck!

PS - if you have any other suggestions of things to include let me know…my brain is a bit mushy still.

This is Sophia with her BFF N, taken a few weeks ago during a vacation we had in Western Ma.

I have talked about N a few times here as she and her parents are incredibly dear to us and are close friends. N has embraced Sophia as her little playmate and has cared for her like only a 2 year old can. While I was pregnant and on maternity leave Kristine, Neala’s mom, was a constant source of support and a great caregiver. She is an incredible role model. When we moved from Boston we knew that leaving and missing N, and Kristine and Arthur, would suck.

And it has.

When we saw them a few weeks ago Kristine and Arthur were getting ready to welcome a new itty bitty one into the world. The baby was a bit of a surprise as K and A were not supposed to be able to get pregnant the “normal” way. The were due in just 4 weeks. Our mutual friend Jess (also on vacation with us) was also preggers with their 2nd, due around Christmas. Our families were growing and we were growing together. It was a great opportunity to be able to vacation with the whole crew knowing what was in store for us all over the next year. Exciting, thrilling stuff.

Jess with Sophia, N (Jess’s son), and N reading a morning story.

-~-

We found out this morning that Kristine’s baby passed away in utero. A little girl, Baby G was somewhere around 37 weeks. She seems to have been healthy, when she was delivered they found that the cord had wrapped around her. The sorrow we feel is like nothing I have ever experienced. I can only imagine what our dear friends must feel.

Yesterday I asked for your embarrassing stories to make me feel less embarrassed.

Today I ask for your thoughts, prayers, and comforting vibes for Kristine, Arthur, and N to make them feel less sorrow. While they are aware of this blog’s existence they do not usually find their way to here. However, they may and I may share this post with them. I wish I could be there in person guys, I love you.

Can you feel the love?! Kristine, Arthur, N and Sophia, June 2007

And in turn, I give you a bit of a giggle, for even in dark times we must search for joy…

N “takes care” of S, June 2007 - picture taken after we removed the stickers from Sophia’s body.

#1 - Slip and fall down the stairs as the Interviewer shows you the way out

… and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

Yes, it is true. Just when you thought the humiliation couldn’t get any worse. You fall on your ass.

Any other embarrassing things that could have topped that?

Farting?

Blathering on and on about my imaginary friend?

Come on kids - earn your keep. Your secret will be safe with me. (And with the rest of the internets)