My daughter is going to be one in a few weeks, and I second everyone who said to take time for yourself, and take time for the really important moments, and the really important people. No one else is going to take care of you, and if your not happy no one’s happy. A sense of order and consistency is really important for children, and it make parenting/working/being a student so much easier.

Let go of any external standards, and find what works for your family. We’re all in it together, trying to work, parent, and LIVE.

If I’m not done with work by 5 or 5:30 I still makes sure I’m home for dinner and homework help. I put the little one to bed and finish up my work in the evening while my husband and older son watch TV.

Just decide what your priorities are and give them the lion share of your time. Then parcel out the rest of the time to the other things in order of their importance to you. They will shift up and down the list all the time but you’ll find a balance that works for you and your family.

I have two kids who are now 15 and 13. They don’t remember most of their time at day care. they were happy there and I had no choice..I had to work. They don’t remember being unhappy because the bathroom was not clean. They do remember that I played with them. They do remember a trip to the ice cream stand or a walk to the park. They do remember that when I was around them, I was fully there (even if I wasn’t…they thought I was).

There are a few suggestions that have been made that can really help:

1. Try to find some organization in your house if you don’t have it already. It will cut down on stress. For example, set a schedule for dinners…Monday is chicken, tuesday is tacos, etc. After a few weeks you can change the schedule, but at least this way you don’t always stress out over what to serve.

2. A housecleaner is a great thing. If you can’t afford one (not everyone can) see if you can trade for one. If not, see if a friend can watch your child for 2 hours and you can return the favor.

3. Automatic bill pay for the majority of your bills. These are easy to set up, and takes a load of anxiety off. Certain bills you can enter to be paid every month on the same date (mortgage, utilities, credit cards if you have them). Others may come about less frequently. I usually take 15 or 20 minutes on the 1st and 15th of the month to enter in the “straggler” bills. Also, I love Quicken for my household book keeping purposes. It takes some time to enter in your information the first time, but then you just take a few minutes at the end of the day to enter receipts. Or, at the start of the month, I put in all the bills that I know will be paid during the month. Quicken keeps track of it all and makes balancing the checkbook a snap.

4. find time for yourself (even if it is ten minutes).

5. Try to exercise so that you at least feel like you have some energy to tackle all that you must do.

6. Little ones don’t stay little for long. Enjoy these times as best you can and realize that as they grow, kids are adaptable.

7. Ask for help. Accept help that is offered.

Take a deep breath. I have been there. Things have a way of working out.

The one thing that I do seem to sacrifice is relationships, which sucks. I rarely get time with Dean or friends. They’re not totally neglected, but they’re certainly not at the quality that I think is right. Working on that too – vacation time for just me and Dean in May. Girl time later this summer.

So yeah, prioritize, then rotate. That’s what I say. Do what you can when it makes the most sense to focus on that one thing, then switch.

1. Abandon Perfection (overrated, unattainable, bad model for Sophia)

2. Abandon Guilt (counterproductive, serves no purpose, stupid)

3. Abandon Toxic and Unsupportive People. Seek out advise from people you respect. Don’t listen to the chatter of people you don’t respect.

4. Food shop for all weekday dinners over the weekend — check this out — http://www.sixoclockscramble.com — I swear by this!

5. Housekeeping is good is you can swing it.

6. The only constant is change, so embrace the craziness. It’s always crazy, just different.

7. Remember that despite the media’s fascination/slamming of working moms, many (probably even the majority) of moms work.

8. Develop friendships with people in your neighborhood and close by. You will need each other now for companionship and you’ll all need each other when your kids are school age.

9. There are many ways to do this working mom thing — there is no right or wrong. Trust your instincts.

10. Try to keep up with the laundry. Tears are only shed when there are mountains to wash.

11. Accept help and do not criticize. The world will not come to an end if the dishwasher is not loaded the right way (okay, so I’m projecting.)

xoxo

I’m trying really, really hard to simply lower my expectations and hope that’s enough.

Wine does help though. Sometimes. When I can stay awake long enough to find the bottle opener.

One of the things that has fallen away has been my relationships (hello? blog?) with friends, and that makes me pretty sad. I’m just holding out hope that when the day comes that I can even carry on a conversation in my house w/o waking up the kid I will still have friends left I can call.

For me, work became less of a prirority – both by trimming down to part time (I know not all have this luxurious choice) and by setting some realistic expectations in terms of what my employers could expect from me – I am no longer the super-kick-ass-rock-star-can-get-anything-done here in the office that I once was. Please note that I am still an excellent employee, I’m just not being an excellent employee when I am home anymore.

And the tired (but true) reminder: It gets easier. You’re still new to this gig, even though it feels like its been eons, cut yourself some slack.